Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Getting Older and Forgetting Who You Don't Like!



My mom is moving. To a senior apartment in a fabulous place. It has a movie theater, a fine dining restaurant, a cocktail hour bar. She’s moving from a 2300 square foot 3 bedroom, 2 full bath townhome. She’s downsizing but to a much nicer place with lots of social activity and more.Although we’ve never, really, gotten along for all my or her life, she thinks (or needs to believe) we are best friends now. She’s constantly telling me “I don’t know what I would do without you.” And, because we’ve never (and still don’t) get along all that well, I tend to think she’s only saying that because there is no one else in the family who can, or will, help her. I have a sister who doesn’t and hasn’t done anything to help her in years. The only other person who helps her is my son who, conveniently, lives 7 miles away and can fix “stuff”. Thank goodness because her *stuff* isn’t the only stuff that needs help; I’m always first or second on the list of “help me, please?”Point being is I think when we get older and more help-less we may tend to believe those who help us (even though we may not really like the helper’s) are our favorite(s). When it comes to being an older person and all alone? Does our idea of “love” change, depending upon how much help we need?I have an ex-sister-in-law who is 62 years old. She’s living with her son and daughter-in-law and has been for almost 4 years. After a year of living in her current situation after her divorce (living with her son and his family was supposed to be temporary) she ended up living at her son’s place longer than planned and taking care of his and his wife’s 2 children, thus the total of 4 years now. She’s seeing an 82 year old man and surprised me a couple of weeks ago with the statement “I think I might marry him.” I was a bit shocked as she had sex with him, maybe once (said it was fabulous - ?) and hasn’t stayed overnight at his home but once or twice in a year since having great sex with him. I’m of the opinion that she, too, is only hanging out with the guy because she’ll be leaving her son’s soon, this Spring, when the last of the 2 kids will be in school full time.Need. Neediness. Confusing love with need or easiness. Is this what happens to us when we get desperate? Or is this what happens to us when we get old? Or both?
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